The noun word “togetherness” is a condition of being together. It is defined as warm fellowship and a feeling of closeness or affection from being united with other people. Togetherness is not the same as proximity as it has to do with focused attention. In fact, togetherness is the feeling of being close to another person both emotionally and physically. It is a central and crucial aspect of quality and successful relationships. I am yet to find one successful relationship that didn’t thrive in the spirit of togetherness. It is sometimes underplayed, yet plays a pivotal role in relationships. You sometimes hear people use the term “we are still together” to mean that they are still in a relationship or still living in the same house as husband and wife. However they may be far apart in their hearts and mind and each person may have even found a solitary world different to the world that they live in . It is a great thing to be together physically but much more important to be together emotionally. For married couples, isn’t it that being together emotionally first precedes being together physically and living under the same roof. At least in most instances, not all.

The condition of being together does not guarantee that there will be no high and lows, rainy and sunny days, happy and sad moments. However, staying “together” will ensure that two people succeed in their relationship as well as make it through situations that may confront them, without being submerged in it alone. It is possible that most of us may be able to attest to the fact that at some points in our relationships/marriage, we have felt as though we were just navigating through life alone or as a single person even though the bands on our 4th finger prove otherwise. This sometimes cannot be helped depending on individual issues and the uniqueness of the situations that we find ourselves. However, what can be helped is our ability and willingness to foster togetherness.

I know some people are thinking that they would like to foster a condition of togetherness in their relationship but don’t know how or even they may have tried to but feel that it hasn’t worked. Another example is where the feeling is one sided. The truth is, togetherness involves another person or other people and will not be called togetherness if it involves only one person. Here are some of the ways to engender the spirit of togetherness.

  • Understand that the condition of togetherness is a pre-requisite for a successful and thriving marriage/relationship so therefore, you need to promote it.
  • Identify and remove barriers to your ability to feel close to the person to whom you are married or with whom you are in a relationship.
  • You need to make time for one another as there is no substitute for quality time together with your spouse. Making time for each other doesn’t have to be a huge production.
  • Be willing to forgive and overlook past hurts. Bear in mind that when an action doesn’t come naturally to you, it is a greater expression of love. Also remember that relationships don’t thrive because the guilty are punished but because the wounded are merciful.
  • Have you come across that phrase ‘together we stand, divided we fall’ Jesus puts it this way, if a kingdom rises up against its own, it will fall. Therefore you have to be united in spirit, soul and body otherwise it becomes a no-win situation for everybody involved.
  • Refuse to stay disconnected and accept the status quo. Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.

Finally, this is for those who have tried but have not succeeded and have given up or are about to give up. Love doesn’t erase the past but makes the future different. We are never done with changing as people who are heading somewhere. According to Benjamin Franklin, when you are finished changing, you are finished. Therefore you may need to explore other ways of fostering togetherness in your relationship. Perhaps, you need to talk about it and ask God for help and you may need to view those things that irritate you through God’s eyes and through your spouse’s. Doing these two things sometimes changes how you feel about situations that are testing your patience and perhaps preventing you from fostering that feeling of closeness or affection with your spouse.